From Mexico, with Love pt. 3

How a sweat lodge connected me with my ancestors

My life may never be the same.

This weekend, I was blessed to experience a sacred cleansing ceremony in a temazcal, a stone sweat lodge for ancient ceremonies originating from Indigenous people. Seven of us from the Wake Wellness retreat were guided through a ceremony with a shaman, his son and a temazcalera. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced, but in some ways, it also felt like coming home to myself and my heritage.

Before we arrived at the sweat lodge, we were given some pointers on what to expect from the ceremony. We were told the temazcal represents a womb and to leave the ceremony is like having an abortion (alarming, right?) They said we would experience four rounds of cleansing or rebirth, each honoring the elements: air, water, earth and fire. I was so nervous and had no idea what to expect. Would I pass out? Would I throw up? Would I want to run out of the sweat lodge and disrupt the sacred ceremony? I prayed to God and asked for the strength of my ancestors to power through the ceremony and survive the heat. As we walked up to the temazcal, it felt like I was walking up to something bigger than me. I felt a deep level of respect and honor for this ceremony. I knew that experiencing this was a privilege.

Before entering the temazcal, we were cleansed with smoke from natural copal incense. Then, we were handed a scoop of tobacco to speak our intention into for the ceremony before throwing it into a fire pit. My intentions were to heal my eczema-covered skin, heal my uterus from fibroids and help me fulfill my calling. After we set our intentions, one by one we walked up to the dome-shaped sweat lodge.

The entrance was a tiny opening, that could only be crawled into. Before we entered the lodge, we were told to ask for permission to enter for ourselves and our relatives. I asked for permission in Spanish and then crawled my way onto the blanket-covered sandy floor. Immediately, I felt claustrophobic. I eyed the entrance asking myself if I really wanted to go through with this and be trapped in a small heated space for an hour. It was like a hot igloo made of stone that you couldn’t see out of. It had an opening at the entrance and one at the top. Both of these would be closed during the ceremony and opened in between the four rounds. I felt my mind wanting to panic and my heart starting to race. “Do I really want to do this?” I thought. “Will I make it through?” I rested my back against the cool stone wall, laid my legs out in front of me, breathed calmly and settled in. Suddenly, my mind was at ease.

The shaman, his son and the temazcalera began the ceremony with seven hot rocks, called “abuelitas calientes.” The shaman’s son rolled in one hot rock at a time, as the temazcalera grabbed each rock with two antlers and dropped them into a pit.

Before we began the ceremony, I saw a bucket of water with what appeared to be chamomile flowers floating at the top. I wondered what it’d be used for but didn’t think much of it. Once the ceremony started, the lodge went completely dark. I heard the sounds of liquid being poured onto the hot rocks and felt as if my body was being consumed in steam. The smell of the steam was so familiar. It reminded me of my sleepytime tea. It was the sweet and calming smell of hot chamomile water. “Mmmm,” I sighed with relief. “I am safe here.”

When the shaman, his son and the temazcalara (let’s just call them the temazcalera guides from here on out), started chanting, I opened my eyes into the darkness and I immediately felt rushed with emotions. An inescapable sadness started bubbling up from my core and flowed out of my eyes. I sobbed. As I cried to the sound of the indigenous chants, I knew the pain and sadness I was feeling was not all my own. It felt as if I was shedding the tears of my maternal lineage. Was it my mother’s pain? My grandmother’s? Or my great-grandmother’s? It felt like the weight of the women before me was channeled through my body and released with every tear and drop of sweat. Even though my Westernized, English-speaking mind couldn’t totally understand the chants at the moment, my soul did. The chants unlocked something in me. They brought me closer to my ancestors in a way I’ve never felt before. I thought of my Liberian and Native American ancestors. This felt like something they called me to do.

Throughout the ceremony, Dionne our retreat wellness coach, mentor and workshop leader, translated the chants and told us what each round meant.

The first round was air, it represented God. This was the round I was most emotionally moved by and it unlocked my deeply embedded ancestral sadness. The second round was water, intended to heal feminine energy and your maternal side. The third round was earth, intended to heal your masculine side, honoring the men in your life. I sent love to my late father during this round, hearing his deep voice resounding in my mind saying “I love you, baby.” The next round was fire, the hottest round, representing the inner child. The temazcal guides said this is the round people usually want to quit and get antsy but encouraged us to stay strong. At this point, I was in it for the long haul. I was committed. Nothing was going to make me quit. I was just enjoying the release and toxins leaving my body.

We chanted ancient songs and the shaman even let us sing songs we knew. Earlier in the retreat, I shared with the group that I love singing but I tend to get shy about it. While we were in the safe space of the sweat lodge, Dionne asked me if there was a song I wanted to sing. My mind went blank. Then, I asked, “What about Amazing Grace?” Everyone agreed and together we belted out singing “Amazing Grace,” filling the room with our perfect harmonies.

We sang this as the ceremony was concluding and the temazcal guides lifted the lid off the top of the dome. The sunlight was peaking through the smoke-filled space as we sang “I once was lost, but now am found. Was blind, but now I see.” The shaman said it was a great song choice to conclude our ceremony.

Before we left the sweat lodge, we thanked the shaman and he thanked us back for our enthusiasm and participation. Then, we had to ask our spirit guides/ancestors for permission to leave the ceremony. I bowed down at the entrance, calling on my Grandma Blanche, my dad and Grandma Willie Mae before exiting. As I stepped out of the lodge, I was dripping with gratitude and smiling ear to ear. What an amazing experience. How fortunate I am to have received that. I continuously thanked God for his amazing grace and continuous blessings.

We were given another scoop of tobacco to throw into the fire and a terracotta cup of fresh fruit and veggie juice. As we sat by the fire and sipped the juice, I felt immensely blessed. What a life I get to live. What a blessing it is that I got to experience something so sacred. What an honor to be a descendant of my maternal and paternal lineage. I wouldn’t trade one ounce of who I am for a second.

What did I receive from this magical experience?

From this moment forward, I am fully embodying the woman who was within me all along.

I belong with the elements. I belong with nature. I want to be more in touch with my ancestors and their healing and wellness practices. I want to help others feel how I was feeling after the temazcal ceremony. I want to be a part of communal healing and connection to Source and ancestors. I want to be of service in a meaningful way. I want to be a vessel for joy, healing and peace. I already am. But I am ready to take it to new depths. The fast-paced, deadline-driven, capitalistic-fueled lifestyle I am currently living is not for me. I am destined for a lifestyle that is slower and more intentional. I want to break the chains of sadness and despair from my lineage. I want to embody and speak truth. I want to be the highest version of myself and utilize my gifts to make the world a better place. While I am still uncovering the next steps for how I will execute this new awareness, I know that I am already a better person after this experience.

I have been cleansed. I have been reborn. The past version of me is no longer here and I am stepping into full embodiment. Welcome to the world, new Cynthea. Your new life is waiting for you.